Conversations with the Creator: A Journey of Prayer

My journey of prayer started when I was a new Christian - well, I'm sure it started when I was a child. However, those would have been prayers asking God to 'let me get away with this and I will...' etc.

Since becoming a Christian, I have found myself on an unpredictable journey through different beliefs within the church. I started off at a local church that did not believe the Holy Spirit moved today in the same way He did in Acts (known as 'Cessationist'). Several years later, I was introduced to a different church that was extremely charismatic. I became a proud charismatic in a church where I learned three things - tongues, prophecy, and falling slain in the Spirit. In hindsight, I can see that while I was taught and 'enabled' to operate in these three areas, I found myself lacking biblical literacy, prayer, and service. These are critical components that should have been at the forefront of my Christian journey.

Over the following years, within this movement, I would find myself praying for healing. But when I didn't see it, I would examine my faith, or more damagingly, the faith of the one requiring healing. I also found myself being part of different outreaches, and although I genuinely experienced God’s hand in conversations with those struggling with addictions, homelessness, or the average person, I never really shared the gospel – or should I say, shared the gospel of Christ and Him crucified.

It wasn't until I attended and left Bible College that I was introduced to a few Puritans, reformers, and reformed scholars/pastors. As a natural consequence, I later found myself 'Deconstructing from my Pentecostal Experience' (please see the blog for further details) and becoming a 'Reformed Continuist,' which is basically a reformed charismatic without, and I write this in love, the wackiness of it. As I delved into the writings of some of the Puritans, the more I found myself breaking into the 'forbidden treasure chest' that many other Christians within the Pentecostal movement called 'legalism, religious spirit, and doctrine of demons'... (Sidenote: This blog pertains to my experience within a specific movement and does not imply that all Pentecostal churches are like this)... One book I remember picking up was J.C. Ryle's 'Thoughts for Young Men,' which explores themes such as guarding your thoughts, the importance of prayer, being a godly man, living for God, and the dangers of the distracting world we live in. Oh, how I wish I had read this before turning 18 years old - it was incredibly formative and, for me, placed the responsibility on myself.

I was also introduced to a concept that, as a Pentecostal, I had never really thought about: the sovereignty of God. Although I believed that God was omniscient, omnipresent, and omnipotent, His all-powerfulness somehow, albeit never explicitly stated, depended on 'how I would contend for breakthrough, healing, or even salvation.' Some reading this may be curious as to how I could draw this link (please feel free to leave a comment, and we can chat!). My view of God, through the lens of some charismatic theology, would place God and His creation (the fallen angels) as oppositions in a spiritual warfare in which the outcome depended on us. I remember hearing several sermons from charismatic and/or Pentecostal speakers stating that we must contend for victory, we must contend for God's spirit to move. As a dad, my son does not have to contend to be fed or given something to drink - when needed, he doesn't even have to contend for antibiotics. As a father (who constantly fails), I will do whatever is needed to care for my son. Therefore, how much more would our Father do for us?

Overall, the more I looked into the reformed viewpoints, the more I started to see a Father that was not limited, was not apathetic to my daily struggles, was not a Father that the more I poke and prod, the more he would be willing to respond. But a Father who is always available, always present, and always directing my steps. Nothing can match His strength, mercy, or awesomeness. When I pray and petition, I know that God, being all-knowing, all-powerful, all-seeing, and in full control, determines my steps. Oh, how irresistible is His grace,

Want to know how irresistible His grace is? In the words of Paul to the church in Rome, "But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us" (Romans 5:8). Why is this verse a demonstration of His mercy? Because this is what we were saved from, and I will use the words of Jonathan Edwards in his book 'Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God': "The God that holds you over the pit of Hell, much as one holds a spider or some loathsome insect over the fire, abhors you, and is dreadfully provoked: His wrath towards you burns like fire; He looks upon you as worthy of nothing else but to be cast into the fire; He has purer eyes than to bear to have you in His sight; you are ten thousand times more abominable in His eyes than the most hateful venomous serpent is in ours."