Unmasking Worship: My journey from Emotion to Authenticity

In my previous blogs, I've shared my experiences as a member of a hyper-charismatic Pentecostal Church. The outward expressions of worship, including prophecy, speaking in tongues, falling in the Spirit, and praying against enemies, seemed like clear signs of God's movement within me. However, as I delved deeper into my faith, I began to question the authenticity of these experiences.

One particular incident stands out in my memory when I attended a church meeting and felt a powerful encounter with God. Emotions ran high, and I fell 'slain in the Spirit' as someone fervently prayed over me. It seemed like a genuine spiritual experience, but when I returned home, I realized that nothing had changed within me. I was still trapped in habitual sin, concealing my struggles. Despite the apparent 'freedom' and 'burning away of sin' during that moment, my life remained unchanged.

As I continued my journey, I enrolled in Bible College and observed a stark contrast in the way I worshipped compared to one of my best friends. While I would be full of energy and exuberance, my friend took a more reflective and still approach to worship. Initially, I judged him as lazy and apathetic, assuming that God deserved our utmost enthusiasm. However, through our friendship, I came to understand that God saw the authenticity of his heart in worship, rather than the external expressions.

I learned a valuable lesson during this time: worship isn't about trying to convince God of our love or seeking intense emotional experiences. True worship lies in glorifying God for who He is and being still in His presence, without ulterior motives. My friend's reflective worship allowed him to confront his inner struggles and find healing, while my pursuit of emotional highs only led me to hide my brokenness and sin.

As God began to convict my heart, I found myself opening up about my struggles, brokenness, and the need to 'feel' rather than truly 'know' Him. This vulnerability before God led me to a deeper and more authentic relationship with Him. I realized that worship should be about connecting with God on a genuine level, acknowledging our imperfections, and seeking His transformative power in our lives.

In conclusion, my journey from emotion-driven worship to authenticity has been eye-opening and transformative. I now understand that outward expressions of worship, while potentially genuine, do not define the depth of our connection with God. True worship involves coming before God with sincerity, honesty, and a desire to know Him intimately. As we let go of the need to impress or seek emotional highs, we can find freedom in being real with God and experience His grace and healing in our lives.

“There is no way of deliverance from the state and condition of being in the flesh, but by the Spirit of Christ.” - John Owen, The Mortification of Sin